I didn’t like Tinder. In the three weeks that I spent on it, I met two people: one ghosted me, and I’m befriending the other. It’s enough for now.
About a third of the people on Tinder shouldn’t be on Tinder – they’re so jaded about the whole app dating thing that their profiles read at best indifferent (“Don’t know what to write here. I’m boring.”) and at worst hostile (“Don’t waste my time asking mundane stuff. Stay away if you’re afraid of reality and wildness. If you don’t want to chat don’t match, I don’t care how hot you are I will unmatch ASAP”*). I’m not against open relationships and marriages (you do you), but too many people mention this small fact far too late in their bio. If I’m honest, the real hook of the app was less meeting people, and more scrolling through my feed to see what insight into life’s rich tapestry I would get today.
Anyway, now that I’m detoxing from most of my apps, I have the pleasure of being able to fully focus on flat hunting. If you’re German, your website of choice for this purpose will probably be ImmobilienScout24. Like Tinder, there’s an app for it. Like Tinder, everybody’s on it.
ImmoScout lets you create a profile for yourself, and you should. If you want to, you can write a few words about yourself. It’s a good idea to upload a photo; you’ll want to look less like you’re fun to Netflix and chill with, and more like you pay your Netflix subscription on time, but you’ll want to look good either way. If you’re up for spending more than you’d spend on Tinder per month for the premium subscription, you can also digitally undress yourself and upload your previous landlord’s references, your credit rating, your ID and other fun information that’ll ‘make it even easier to apply’. Because bringing paper copies of those into a stranger’s house isn’t enough yet.
And then you message. Or call. And then you wait for a reply. Did you get there in time? Did you fill in the documents correctly? Should you have called instead of emailed even though the ad said to email but there’s a phone number why is there a phone number if they don’t want calls and what if the reply goes into your spam folder? What if the app crashes? Because the app is a nightmare, like all apps seem to be these days?
All in all though, the flats seem friendlier then people. And much more ready for me to project my hopes and dreams onto. I’ve even got a Pinterest board.
Overall, I feel incredibly lucky that I’m not in a rush. Although I’ve already taken a day off work to go to a viewing on the other side of town next week. The ad was online for no more than 20 minutes at 8am last Friday, and today I got my time slot. This is how it goes, apparently. Wish me luck.
*this is someone’s actual Tinder profile that I took a screenshot of for this exact moment