22/100 — A lingering feeling of doom

I watched Life last night, the Jake Gyllenhaal movie Netflix threw at me in a pitiful attempt to distract me from the fact that Nocturnal Animals seems to have gone. (Children, re-watch the movies you like even if your watchlist is endless; because life is short and Netflix takes movies off again sometimes). In it, a crew on the ISS discovers a life form in a probe sent from Mars. They manage to animate and grow it from a single cell, rejoicing when it seems to show curiosity for a moving human finger by leaning towards it.

I mean, of course this doesn’t end well.

The movie goes as you think it will, ending the only way it can end. Afterwards, I felt drained. Life feels so damn hopeless sometimes. Given that so far, we haven’t got real evidence to the contrary, can we have a friendly alien movie for a change? Can we have a comedy set on the ISS (“How do you fall in looove – when you can’t fall?” #gravityjokes) instead of every movie I see about space travel ending in almost everybody’s death? Not even Mars looks like a fun place to go anymore!

Not to mention our own planet. There must be a great number of people who worry about the climate on a daily basis like I do, or more, and who also love podcasts about murders. I’ve tried a couple murder podcasts, and I’ve found that I do not want to be made aware of the many ways I or someone I love can become someone else’s victim. I just have enough to worry about. How do people deal with this constant sense of threat?

There are many days when life seems good, and people are nice and helpful, and somewhere in the world good things happen. But other days, like today after watching that movie last night, I carry this lingering feeling of doom with me all day.

I have no point to make today. I’m just trying to put into words how I’ve been feeling, because I used to love horror movies. But recently, the only ones I’ve been able to watch are those about ghosts in castles. Old horrors, not new ones. We have enough real new ones.

Maybe this is me getting old. But hey, I just want to watch Queer Eye in peace.