16/100 — Busy days

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I’ve been in my new job for less than two months now, and today I realised that I already can’t comprehend how I ever felt stressed in my old job. I keep thinking of that German saying, Der Mensch wächst mit seinen Aufgaben – ‘man grows with his tasks’, i.e. the way we get better through challenges; growing our boundaries by trying them.

As a former highly anxious person, I’ve long trained myself to just say ‘yes’ to things and figure out how to make it through them afterwards. Sometimes I worry if my constant smiling through the fear and repeated ‘It’ll be fine!’ are annoyingly optimistic, but they’re not exactly untrue. (So far, it always has been fine.)

That being said, over the past <2 months I have experienced 2 migraines, disturbed sleep like never before, a lot of dizziness, hot ears (they’re my stress barometer; today it was unpleasant), and my hearing cutting out in one ear while a coworker was talking to me.

Maybe this familiarisation period isn’t going as smoothly as my conscious mind is trying to convince me it is.

Today I spent my entire lunch break out of the office, writing. (I seem to have so little mental capacity that it’s hard to write more than a page; I apologise for the quality of these blog posts, I know they won’t win awards.) In the afternoon, I listened to a combination of rainymood and my autumn playlist to settle down in between phone calls. I cancelled my life drawing class so I could go home and have a bath and an early sleep.

There’s a lot that needs to be done. But first, some rest.