15/100 — Just checking in

Work has been a lot these past few days. I’ve been on my own in the office, still teaching myself the job while doing it. It’s challenging and different and I look forward to going to work most mornings, but it leaves little room for anything else. I can’t wait for warmer weather, when it’s okay to sit outside with a notebook and an overpriced juice, making use of the full lunch hour.

Spring time always makes me want to hold hands with someone, so on a whim I downloaded Tinder. Apps like Bumble and Tinder are great for window shopping people. You learn so much about others by how they choose to present themselves, and so much about yourself by figuring out your deal breakers. Sometimes I imagine an entire relationship up to moving in together, before I get scared and swipe left.

Because if I’m honest, the thought of trying out relationships seems like a lot right now. Earlier today I came across Grace McCleen’s brilliant Selling the Self on Boundless. This paragraph in particular reminded me of my 2-month stint on eHarmony some years back:

I began to think it was fortunate I only taught part-time because online dating takes time; if you are going to do it properly it is almost a second job. The amount of admin meant that two or three hours could pass in Starbucks before I raised my head, realising my neck had been in a vice of muscle and my eyes weeping from staring at the screen so long.

I’ve been told once that finding the right person makes everything easy. I look forward to that happening to me some day, but I know that the amount of work before that easy bit depends purely on your luck. It might happen after 2 weeks, or 6 years. I know the amount of admin: finding the right first words; the anxiety of managing more than two matches at once (apparently I am incredibly old-fashioned and feel like an immoral two-timing beast when I meet more than one person within a week); the disappointment when you seem to be chatting to a completely different person than the profile you swiped right on; and so on. Plus, there are the people where it seems easy, but after a few weeks it turns out it isn’t. Those are the ones I really want to avoid.

Maybe I should just focus on finding a flat; that’s a full-time job too.