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awkward moments of silence

and the words inbetween
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2018-02-25.JPG

The week in words #8

February 25, 2018

There's a part of me that thinks winter would be less unbearable if the internet wasn't full of people talking about how unbearable winter is. It's been all over Twitter, but other platforms too. I feel for the people with genuine SAD, as well as just everyone else who suffers from the lack of daylight, but part of me thinks it might not have been quite as bad hadn't I somehow ended up in this large online support group for people who suffer from winter.

Anyway: spring is in the air. You wouldn't be able to tell just by looking at the weather forecast, but you can smell it now sometimes – I see the world start to come alive, starting with the plant on my desk – it's sprouting with such genuine enthusiasm that it's a little infectious. I'm not quite out of the woods yet myself, but I feel a surge of energy going through me every so often, and that's enough for me to believe that easier times are around the corner.

You know how absence is said to make the heart grow fonder? It does – but sometimes it makes the heart grow fonder of absence. I'm going through a relationship crisis with London. This has only been intensified by the amount of travelling I've had to do over the past two weeks. Not that I've been anywhere I'd rather live than London (this time), but not experiencing the Underground for a few days really does wonders to the mind.

It's not that London hasn't been good to me – I have a very decent life here. But the more energy I find as the spring sun comes out, the more discontent I feel. Something has to change. I just haven't quite figured out what.

In The week in words Tags writing
← All the books in February (feat. #feministlitfeb)Review | HUNGER by Roxane Gay →

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I’m Stef, and this is awkward moments of silence, a collection of images and words where I attempt to make sense of the world, and talk about books.


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I dove into “Edinburgh” by Alexander Chee a couple of days ago and came up with a gasp this morning. It’s a deeply immersive and atmospheric read, although I found the language rather dense and ornamental in places, to the point where it obscured the plot for me (English is not my first language and sometimes I still feel it), especially towards the end. Either way, I would absolutely recommend it and will think about it for a while.

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These are my last few weeks in London; from March, I will be working and living in Berlin.
So far I’ve spent 2019 giving notice, saying goodbyes and arranging get togethers. Now my body is tired, and  my heart is starting to get heavy. Four more weeks.

#berlin #fernsehturm #fernsehturmberlin #movingon
I’m almost done reading “Alone in Berlin” by Hans Fallada. It’s quite a challenge, very grim and at times still not interesting (Emil Borkhausen, you had way too much page time and I do not miss you), so I’ll be glad when it’s over, as much as I appreciate what it’s doing.

#bookstagram #unitedbookstagram #aloneinberlin #unreadbookshelfproject2019 #books #booksandcoffee
I finished How To Write An Autobiographical Novel a week or so ago and I still haven’t found any words for it. It’s an interesting read for someone like me – someone who wants to create, but feels she has nothing worthwhile to say. Out of the many many interesting thoughts in this essay collection, I’ve been trying to cling to the one that says that you as a creator have no way of knowing  what about your work will resonate with people – might as well do it and not worry about. I feel that’s definitely the case for this collection, which will resonate with different people on different levels. Personally I’ll hang on to the writing advice, but who knows what it might do for you?

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